Close to Insanity
by clay jashinist
Summary: Deidara gets a new outlook in art when he is sent to Insanity, a place named for its two founders: Kakuzu and Hidan. Crack-fic... supposedly.


Close to Insanity

* * *

"Excuse me, sir...does this name ring a bell to you?" A young blonde handed the small piece of paper to a vendor. The aging man took it, squinting his eyes to read it. His wrinkly face was etched with confusion. The boy sighed, taking the paper before the old man could say more. Just like the other people he asked, no one knew where he could find the man whose name was Kakuzu. He felt sorry for the guy, thinking Kakuzu might be an awfully unpopular guy. He let out another weary sigh as he sat on the cold concrete step of what seemed like an abandoned building.

He closed his eyes, surprised as he felt his muscles grew tense, then push themselves down lie it was some sort of a soggy paper. Damn, he was definitely tired. He leaned against the wall, letting his mind drift for the first time since yesterday.

--

_FLASHBACK_

--

"Teacher, why do I have to look for this guy named Kakuzu, un?" Deidara said as he rested his chin on his palm. Sasori took one glance at him, then continued to write. It looked like a letter. _For Kakuzu_? The blonde wondered.

"Haven't we talked about this, Deidara?" Sasori answered as he signed his note. Deidara only watched him as he folded the paper neatly and put it inside the envelope. He handed it over to his student, who was still uncomfortable with his idea. Sasori didn't want Deidara to leave; in fact, he enjoyed the loud-mouthed boy's company. But he was a teacher and Deidara was his student, which meant he should do what was best for him.

"I'm just…worried, un." The blonde said after awhile. "I…I'm not used to leaving this place. I mean, I love it here. I don't want to leave, un."

"Me too. I don't want you to leave," Sasori muttered under his breath as he stood up from his work desk. He stretched his arms, watching the sea from the open window. Deidara stood beside him, inhaling the fresh wind and the many smells. The blonde smiled sadly as he closed his eyes, trying to savor the memory before he left. He felt his teacher clasp his shoulder. He was going to miss that too.

"I'll miss everything, un."

--

_END OF FLASHBACK_

--

"Miss? Are you asleep?"

Deidara's eyes shot open. He looked up as a figure blocked the sunlight. It was a boy. With a mask. An orange mask.

"No. Of course not, un." The blonde stood up, trying to regain his composure. The boy watched him with such fascination that it caused Deidara to flinch. "And I am not a miss."

"Tobi thought you were." Came the shy reply.

Deidara rolled his eyes. He was not taking any more of this bullshit. He was going _home._ Back to Sasori.

He stood up, lightly shoving the boy aside. He was pissed.

"Wait! You dropped-" The boy stopped midsentence as he read the name. Deidara turned, though not as anxiously. "Tobi knows him! Tobi knows Kakuzu!"

The blonde tilted his head, _What?_ How could he trust a boy that mistook him for a fucking girl.

"Are you sure?" He asked slowly, as if talking to a five year old. Not that Tobi wasn't. Heck, with one look, Deidara could tell he had an IQ of a muffin.

"Of course! He lives right here!" The masked boy bounced on the concrete steps. He opened the door, which creaked rather noisily. "Just follow Tobi and you'll be okay!"

"Yeah…right." Deidara said inwardly as he took a step inside. He expected a dusty little room with cobwebs and all the stuff that made an abandoned building look…abandoned. Instead, he saw the most expensive looking place. It was like those fancy 5 star hotels he had always dreamed of living in. Tobi looked back at the awestruck blonde. He snickered as he saw his expression.

"This…this is…" Deidara looked down on the carpeted floor. It was not just any carpet; it was one of those luxurious red carpets he always saw being walked upon famous people in television. He looked up, his own eyes glinting as he saw gold. Most of the things inside the room were gold.

"Aren't you coming?"

The young artist popped out of his trance. He gaped at Tobi, who continued walking to the far end of the hall.

"Tobi knows this place like the back of his hand!"

Deidara followed him, maintaining a good distance between them. As they got nearer to the end of the hall, the blonde realized there was a door at the very corner.

Tobi knocked on the door thrice. Then, he withdrew his hand and waited, with Deidara now by his side. The blonde frowned as they continued waiting…for nothing.

"There's nobody answering, un."

"Just wait. Kakuzu might still be counting his money."

_Okay…that was an awkward remark, un._

After a few more moments, the lock clicked, meaning someone was going to open the door. Deidara fidgeted. At last…he was going to meet Kakuzu. The blonde had wondered what he looked like. Based from what he learned, Kakuzu might've been a very secretive person. No one that Deidara had asked knew him.

"What the fuck do you want, Tobi?" A drawling voice said as the door swung open. Deidara stared at the shirtless man in front of him. He had a strong masculine look that portrayed a bad ass gangster. He had slick, silver hair that seemed to be pushed backwards. His pinkish eyes darted at Deidara, then back at Tobi. "Who the hell is _that?_ If she's one of your bitches, I am-"

"No! He's looking for Kakuzu!" Tobi put a strong note on HE. Then, he turned to the blonde, who was utterly confused. "Can you please introduce yourself for Hidan?"

"R-right!" Deidara cleared his throat. "My name's Deidara. Teacher Sasori sent me here, un."

"Sasori?" Hidan and Tobi said in unison. They looked at each other, then back at the blonde. "You're Sasori's student?"

"Yeah, un."

"That's…I never expected Sasori teaching blonde whores." Hidan shook his head as he leaned casually on the door frame. He studied Deidara for awhile, then at Tobi. "Well?"

"Can't you let Deidara stay inside so that he can wait for him inside your considerably large room?" Tobi stated as Hidan stared at him with a blank expression.

_Okay, cross Tobi's muffin brain. This Hidan guy's way more stupid, un._

"Whatever." Hidan pushed the door wider. Tobi stepped aside to let Deidara enter.

"Aren't you…?" The blonde gave Tobi a questioning look. The boy shook his head.

"No way! Tobi is too sane to stay with HIdan in one room!" He pushed Deidara inside with Hidan before anyone could do anything.He grabbed the doorknob and closed the door shut. "See ya!"

Deidara remained motionless for a while, listening to Tobi's muffled steps. He felt very very very very very unsafe as HIdan propped himself on a nearby chair, watching the blonde from a distance.

"You're girly."

The comment sent chills to Deidara's spine. He clenched his fists tightly. He had taken the first insult, but he couldn't take a second one anymore. "I'm a fucking man."

"OH yeah?"

"Why are you insulting me? We just met, un!" The blonde said as he glared the older man, who also gave him a glare with the same intensity. His pale lips formed into a teasing grin that made Deidara annoyed even more.

"I know your types, blondie." Hidan said as he brought a hand to his chin. "You think you're little miss goodies."

"I AM A MAN!!"

"You keep saying that, asshole, why don't you fucking prove it?"

Deidara's eyes softened at Hidan's remark. Heat began to creep up his already flushed face. This Hidan guy was really pissing his already pissed day.

"What's wrong? You're dick got your tongue? Or do you even have one?"

Deidara felt a nerve in his head pop.

"Chicken!"

Another pop.

"MISS blondie!"

"That's IT!" Deidara shouted as he yanked his pants down. "You want to see it so badly,un?! Well here it is, motherfucker!"

Before the blonde could continue further, the door cracked open. A man in his late forties entered, muttering curses about a raise in his salary.

When he saw Deidara in his boxers, with Hidan watching intently, he couldn't help but let out a scream that sent a thousand pigeons in the air.

--

_Let the Insanity begin...(insert evil laugh)_

* * *

To Be Continued (?)


End file.
